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Archive for January, 2011

Am I a mommy-zombie?

Just read this on a blog: “I know far too many formerly smart, funny, interesting women who are now incapable of talking about anything other than breastfeeding and diapering and cosleeping and babywearing and that cute thing their kid just did. I also know women who somehow manage to maintain interests outside of their children, so it must be possible, but sometimes the difference between the ones who became mommy-zombies and those who still seem like themselves seems so arbitrary as to be scary.”

This got me thinking and now has me really worried. Am I a mommy-zombie!? When I first read it, I just skimmed it and thought to myself, “Well, of course, I’m one of those cool, interesting, thoughtful mothers who still has a life outside of mothering”. But then I started to reflect a bit more – reviewing what I’ve been thinking about lately, what I’ve been reading, what I do with any time to myself – and I have to say, I was a bit disappointed with the outcome. Don’t get me wrong – I love being a mother to Henry. I love spending my days with him, but I still have all these hopes and dreams that I THINK about constantly, but don’t do a lot of acting upon. Motherhood has this crazy tendency to take over your entire life – your mind, your body, your everything – is devoted to the existence of this new little person. I really feel that it has only been over the past couple of months that I’ve been able to see past the mother goggles again. I see bits of my old life sticking out here and there – parts of the pre-baby me. And it’s refreshing. Henry is older now and I am able to separate myself from him a tiny bit more. I’ve started adding books to my collection alongside “The Vaccine Book” and “The No-Cry Sleep Solution”. I’ve started sneaking in small art projects during the day. Nothing extravagant or time-consuming. Small projects I can conquer during nap time. It’s a start.

I think what’s also fascinating about the Ominous Motherhood is it’s ability to transform a mellow, laid-back woman into this passionate, argumentative lecturer. Something about being responsible for this new person suddenly arouses your interest in all these issues you’d never given much thought to before. *Ok, as I’m typing this I’m realizing maybe mommy goggles aren’t all that bad – I mean, the changes I’ve made in my life since becoming a mother probably have allowed me to have more of a global impact than I had before. Because I’m responsible for this baby and his future, I also feel responsible for my future and the world’s future. I think more about what we eat – partially for our own health, but partially for the health of the land on which our food grows. I’ve become an avid recycler – not just to save money at the dump, but to lessen our contribution to landfills and to preserve the use of natural resources like water and oil in the creation of new products.*

So, although my everyday conversation and life may revolve around diapers and breastfeeding, by writing this blog I realize that the overall focus of my life has improved since becoming a mother. I began writing this post as a confession and apology for my own regression as a person since the onset of motherhood, but reflecting has helped me see that although some of the things I passionately focus on aren’t all that important, some of the things are. Being a mother hasn’t blinded me from the world around me, but has made that world and the future of that world more important to me than it ever was before.

 

This is the blog from which the original quote came – it was a response to the actual article.  http://rachelheldevans.com/moms-scare-me

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On July 3, 2010, my dear friends, Courtney and Stephen were wed under an old sycamore tree in Gillham Park in Kansas City. It was a lovely celebration, and I am so happy that I was a part of the event. Everything about the wedding was so refreshingly original and lovely and…well, very “Courtney and Stephen”. From the adorable handmade banner over the wedding party to the compost and recycle tubs at the reception, the entire wedding revolved around the things that the bride and groom are passionate about.

I was honored by the bride when she approached me about making her wedding dress. Well, honored and terrified! But I think at the end it all worked out well. Just as the wedding and reception reflected the couple, I believe the dress reflected Courtney’s spunk and beauty. I am glad I took on the task, which turned out to not be very difficult. I am sad to say it is one of the last big sewing projects I have done. I need to jump back on the horse and start getting creative! I’m very much looking forward to my mom moving down to Arkansas so I can have a babysitter. Although I have a wonderful child to show for my time and energy, I miss having completed projects to hold in my hand at the end of the day. I believe I can have both!

Here are some photographs from that memorable July day.

 

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